


Sirius Business

by Mattecat



Category: The LEGO Movie (2014)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2019-10-18 08:56:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17577794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mattecat/pseuds/Mattecat
Summary: Vitruvius agrees to help a young man who wants to study relics. Or, the discovery of the Kragle.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I should stop making excuses for why I'm starting new chaptered fics. I just wanted to write lego movie and this was gonna be a oneshot but it ended up Long.
> 
> as usual, my lego fanfic tumblr is legoshipping dot tumblr dot com, and you can chat with me there if you want.

Vitruvius was a traveler, but the world he called his home was the Old West. That was where he returned to, where he kept the things he couldn't bring with him to other worlds, and where most people knew to go if they needed to find him. This was where Vitruvius first met the young man in an uncomfortable-looking suit who was sweating profusely in the desert heat.

The first thing out of his mouth when he saw Vitruvius approach was, "Finally, I've been here for a week already!"

Vitruvius raised an eyebrow at him. "Who are you and why have you been standing outside my house for a week?"

"I haven't been – I meant, in this town, I –" The man caught himself and stuck out a sweaty hand. "Vitruvius, right? You wouldn't know me, I'm Sirius. Sirius Business. I'm really interested in studying the outside world, and I was told you would be able to help me with that."

"Business, eh?" Vitruvius did not take the outstretched hand, and it was eventually withdrawn. "Same guy as the president of the Octan Corporation?"

"Yup! That's me!" Sirius grinned at him. "So! Where do we begin?"

"Move, I need to get into my house."

"Oh! Right!" Sirius quickly stepped out of the way and let Vitruvius walk up to the door and unlock it. Vitruvius stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

It took a good thirty seconds before Sirius yelled, "Hey, wait a second!"

Vitruvius hummed to himself as he filled a kettle with water while Sirius banged on the newly-locked door. "Come on! I came all this way, waited here for a week, and you're just gonna shut the door on me? Let me in! Am I gonna have to climb in through a window or something?"

"Go home, Business," Vitruvius said.

"What? No!"

"I'm not interested in teaching you about the outside world. Find someone else."

"Why? Everyone keeps telling me, 'Oh, go talk to Vitruvius, he knows the most about the outside world, he's the only Master Builder who studies relics and all that junk –"

"There's plenty of Master Builders who could help you."

"Listen, just hear me out –"

"Nope."

"I found a relic, okay?!"

Vitruvius paused. The kettle silently warmed up on the stovetop. Sirius continued. "I found a relic, and I don't know where it came from or what to do with it, 'cause, y'know, it's a relic, it's not a brick – and a dangerous one, too! Listen, it's not that I study the outside world for fun – it's dangerous! Relics can kill people!"

"There are plenty of bricks that can kill people, too," said Vitruvius.

"Yeah! At least we understand those!"

Vitruvius turned the stove off.

"Let's go," he said.

"Let's what?"

Vitruvius opened the door. Business stumbled and stepped back and pretended he hadn't been leaning on it. "Show me what you found," Vitruvius said.

"Great!" Business said. "Let's go! Sure! I brought a car."

* * *

The car had no visible driver. Business started babbling about the artificial intelligence he designed to drive it as soon as they got in. "It's still a prototype, but hey, I trust it enough to drive me places. Important part is that it stops before it hits an obstacle, so like, it's got basic safety features down. It also flies! Check this out!"

He pressed a button and the car rocketed into the sky. The acceleration sends both Vitruvius and Sirius back against the seats. "Bit of a rough ride!" Sirius said. "I'm still working out the kinks. Should be ready for public use in a few years. If i had, say, someone to help me –"

"Tell me about the relic," Vitruvius said.

"Right! It's this big block thing, and it electrocutes everyone who touches it. No one's died yet, but I had to restore some of the robots from backups, 'cause their hard drives got fried." Sirius chuckled. "That's why you make regular backups, bud!"

"And it's definitely not a brick?"

"Definitely," Sirius said. "We can't like, move it around, 'cause it electrocutes people, but it's not a brick. Kind of looks like one, if you squint, but it's the wrong size and, well, everything! You'll know when you see it."

Vitruvius nodded. "How long until we get there?"

"Eh, shouldn't be too long." Sirius leaned his seat back and grinned. "So what's your story?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're a Master Builder, right? Is that something you're born with, or does it just happen?"

"I've been building since I was a child," Vitruvius said. "My belief is that everyone has the potential to be a Master Builder, but few exercise their ability enough to become one."

"Cool, cool. What other Master Builders do you know? I've noticed a lot of them keep to themselves."

Vitruvius shrugged. "They might just not want to talk to you."

Sirius laughed. "Ha! That'd figure, 'cause I sure want to talk to them! No one else is willing to study relics – all my requests for government funding are denied, when they even get through the bureaucracy to begin with! I gotta say, if I was in charge of the world, I'd make sure everything ran smoothly."

"Mm-hm." Vitruvius looked out the window.

"I mean, honestly, you have this reputation for being _really_ hard to get ahold of, but you're the only Master Builder I've been able to talk to, let alone to come with me and check out these relics!"

"Relics?" Vitruvius said. "Plural? You only mentioned one."

Sirius dismissed his concern with a wave of his hand. "Eh, I've found a few others, but they're not dangerous. I mean, I haven't really tested them, I just had my team take them to the tower and lock 'em up. No sense pushing their limits, y'know?"

"I'd like to see those once we're done."

"Oh, sure, sure. Not a problem."

* * *

The relic was found in Pirate's Cove. The seafarers gave Sirius and Vitruvius a wide berth as the car landed and they approached the roped-off area where it was. Vitruvius didn't see any of the familiar faces he knew lived in the area. Maybe Sirius had already asked around for Master Builders and they were avoiding him.

Vitruvius made a mental note to find out what he could about Sirius Business. Surely there was a reason no other Master Builders would talk to him.

"Hey, buddies!" Sirius said brightly, bringing Vitruvius out of his thoughts. "How's the guarding going?"

Vitruvius took a close look at the two guards. At first, he thought they were wearing masks, but no – they were robots. Sirius waved at them.

"No one has attempted to approach the relic since your last visit, sir," one of the robots said. "There have been no further robot casualties either."

"How advanced are these robots?" Vitruvius asked Sirius. "They can understand you…"

The other robot spoke up. "President Business, sir, who is this?"

"This is Vitruvius," Sirius said, ignoring Vitruvius' question. "He's a Master Builder, and he knows a ton about relics and the outside world – at least, more than anyone else I've been able to find!" He chuckled. "He can come in with me, so long as I'm accompanying him. Or maybe one of you? Oh well, we'll figure that out later."

The robots nodded and lifted up the ropes. Sirius ducked under and motioned for Vitruvius to follow once he was on the other side.

"Remember," Sirius said, "keep your distance. The thing is dangerous."

"Mm-hm." He could see the relic lying on the beach, in a pit of scattered bricks. Vitruvius absentmindedly stacked a few of them while he walked. Yep, it definitely wasn't of their world. Whatever he thought of Sirius Business, the man knew a relic when he saw one. Presumably; a sample size of one wasn't much to go by.

Vitruvius kept walking when Sirius stopped at the edge of the pit. "Uh," Sirius said. "Vitruvius?"

"We're not on a first name basis, Business." Vitruvius slid down the side of the pit. The sand was damp beneath his feet. Vitruvius focused his eyes, and the sand became bricks – not limited to just one thing, but holding unlimited potential to be anything.

"Hey!" Sirius yelped. "You shouldn't be so close to it! I told you, it fried our robots!"

"Don't worry," Vitruvius said. "I know what I'm doing."

The relic was large and rectangular, with two knobs on one end. It could have been a brick, had it been smaller. Vitruvius put his staff to the side and reached out with his free hand.

_ZZAAAPP_

* * *

Vitruvius picked himself off the ground and brushed himself off. "It's definitely dangerous," he called up to Sirius, who was yelling. "Could definitely kill someone."

"What the heck?!" Sirius yelled. "You can't – you just touched the relic! And it shocked you!"

"Eh." Vitruvius climbed out of the pit. "Do you have any way to move it without touching it? I don't have a staff strong enough to levitate a relic."

"And you're _not dead!_ "

"Did you intend for me to die?"

" _No!_ "

"Then I don't see the problem." Vitruvius smiled behind his beard. "Why don't we get this relic taken care of, and then you'll show me the others you have."

* * *

Sirius needed convincing to take Vitruvius to Octan Tower, but Vitruvius insisted. "You wanted me to tell you about relics, correct?" he said. "I need to be able to see them for that."

"I'm really inclined to say no," Sirius said, "considering you walked up to the relic that kills people and touched it. That's not safe relic handling!"

"I didn't die," Vitruvius said, "which means I can handle myself, at least."

"…was that a pun?"

Sirius relented, finally. The robots were left behind to take care of the relic, after Sirius made sure they all backed themselves up. "Need I remind you that _someone_ –" He gave a pointed look to one of the robots. "– lost _two full days_ of their memory after their hard drive got fried? Make regular backups, pals."

"Yes, President Business," the robots chimed.

"That's all for now. Keep up the good work. _Ciao!_ "

Vitruvius waited in the car. "Alright," Sirius said once he returned. "Let's get outta here."

During the ride, Vitruvius looked out the window at the landscape below. From this high, it was hard to see the borders between the worlds. They were there, of course – though Master Builders were free to go between worlds as they pleased, there needed to be some order, otherwise the universe would descend into chaos. Not that everyone would mind that, Vitruvius thought, thinking of a king he knew.

"So… is there anything you can tell me about relics right now?"

Vitruvius sighed and met Sirius' expectant gaze. "Sure. Relics are mysterious objects that come from the outside world, and don't interface with the bricks of our own universe."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I figured that much out. I thought a Master Builder would have a different perspective on these things."

Vitruvius tapped his staff against the window. "Everything in our world can be taken apart to its individual bricks and rebuilt to be something new. The bricks of this car don't have to be this car, they could be anything – with some limitations, of course. And it's always easier to build things out of similar things."

"What does that have to do with relics?"

"Pipe down, Business. Unlike bricks, relics can only be one thing. They can't be taken apart, and they can't be part of something bigger. They have one purpose, and one purpose only."

Sirius frowned. "And what is that purpose?"

Vitruvius shrugged. "Only the Man Upstairs knows."

"Huh," Sirius said. "The Man Upstairs. I've heard that name before – he some kind of religious figure or something?"

"Eh. Some Master Builders think he's the original Master Builder, the one who built us in the first place. After all, people are just bricks, too."

"So a religious figure. Thought so." Sirius leaned his seat back. "Do you seriously believe in that junk?"

"You need to be more specific. What junk?"

"Ha! I mean, all of it, but mostly the part where people are just bricks." Sirius snorted. "You don't see random bricks walking around and talking, do you? Even my robots needed _extensive_ programming before they were anything more than shells."

"I won't tell you what to believe," Vitruvius said, "but you must know that belief holds a great deal of power."

"Yeah, no, sorry. It's all a bunch of baloney."

"Mm-hm."

"Anyway!" Sirius sat back up. "We're just about here, so! There's a security check you're gonna have to go through before you get access to the relics – I'd like to say it's nothing too bad, but honestly? It's a procedure. Anyone going in or out has to do it, which is why I rarely visit, and I wait a few months to cycle out the robots – barring emergencies, of course…"

Vitruvius looked out the window again. They were rapidly approaching the towers of Bricksburg. As they got close, the car slowed down, and VItruvius spotted the Octan logo on the tower they were gliding towards.

"Alrighty," Sirius said once they landed. "Let's roll."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey sorry for posting this and then not updating for like over a month
> 
> enjoy chapter

Sirius was right about the security procedure being a pain. The robots weren't sure what to do with Vitruvius, especially considering he was a Master Builder. "Sir," one of them said, "letting a Master Builder in might pose danger to the relics."

"I don't bite," Vitruvius said. "Or explode, if you're worried about exploding."

"We're not worried about exploding," the robot said.

"Are we?" another robot asked.

"No, you're not," Sirius said tiredly. "Look, normally I wouldn't allow _anyone_ who wasn't an employee into my relic room, but this is an exception. Now please finish scanning him and let us through."

Eventually, after Vitruvius agreed to hand over his staff – temporarily, of course – the robots let him through. "Sorry about that," Sirius said. "Let's move on."

He nodded to the robots at either side of the doors and pushed them open, gesturing for Vitruvius to follow. "Let's make this quick," Sirius said. "I don't have all day."

Vitruvius stepped into the room. It felt odd, not having his staff, but then again, it wouldn't be any use against relics. And Sirius had a lot of relics – at least, more than Vitruvius had ever seen in one place, each displayed on a pedestal without any sort of barrier keeping them contained.

"Are you sure it's safe to keep these all together like this?" he asked, looking up at some sort of lever with points sharper than any brick could be. "I would think the energies of the outside world…"

"Baloney," Sirius said. "There's no 'energies' coming off these things, not according to our scanners. Relics are dangerous 'cause they act in ways we don't understand, not because of some mystical mumbo-jumbo. That's the Stay-Pull Remover, by the way."

"Interesting. Did you come up with that name?"

"Nah, the people I got it from called it that. And before you ask, no, I did _not_ steal it, I _bought_ it, and you can ask Middle Zealand yourself if you want to. They were glad to see it go!"

"I'm not surprised. Most people don't like relics."

Sirius snorted. "Yeah, well, I can't say I like them, either. They're fascinating, sure, but they're _dangerous._ "

"Mm hm." Vitruvius moved to the next one. "And this is…?"

There are six in total. Sirius explains them one by one – their names, where he found them, and their functions as best his robots can determine. "I have the robots test them," he says. "Safer than having people do it! I mean, that one we just saw – man! I can't believe you survived that!"

"You sound disappointed," Vitruvius said.

"Oh no, believe me, I am _very_ happy that you managed to defy a very stupid death," Sirius said. "Like, I really want to emphasize how stupid that was. Because it was stupid."

"I believe you've made your point."

"Yeah, yeah." Sirius rolled his eyes. "So why'd you want to see these, anyway?"

Vitruvius looked again at the Stay-Pull Remover. "What's your purpose in collecting these relics?"

"Containment," Sirius said immediately. "Relics are dangerous! If they fall into the wrong hands, they could be used to cause chaos! The Stay-Pull Remover took off people's hands! Even the ones that look harmless… who knows how many more are out there!"

"It looks like you and I are in agreement on at least one thing," Vitruvius said.

"Uh, just one thing?"

"Relics are dangerous, and they need to be contained." Vitruvius turned to Sirius. "I know the locations of many more relics, Business, but I had no way to safely keep them where no one could find them. You do."

Sirius blinked. "Are you saying we should work together to find and contain these relics?"

Vitruvius cracked a smile. "Precisely. Though we'd have to keep it on the down-low… I don't want to give the other Master Builders any reasons to distrust me. They already think I'm weird."

"Aren't all you Master Builders weirdos?" Sirius laughed. "But no, no, that's not a problem. I get it."

"Alright," Vitruvius said. "We should get to work."

"What, already? How about lunch, first?"

Now that Sirius mentioned it, Vitruvius did feel hungry. "Sounds good to me. We'll go over a plan at lunch."

* * *

Sirius' robots made a lunch for the two of them, which Vitruvius thought was impressive. "I would think robots would be bad at cooking," he commented over the meal. "On account of them not being able to taste what they make."

Sirius laughed. "Even if they couldn't taste it, people can!" he said. "Plus, my robots have some rudimentary ability to determine the chemical make of food, which is close to tasting as I can manage."

"You're certainly skilled at robotics."

"Ha! I try." Sirius takes a spoonful of soup and blows on it before trying it. "Hm, not bad. My compliments to the chef, who is essentially me because I programmed them. So, my compliments to myself."

Vitruvius shrugged and focused on his own food.

"So where are these relics of yours?" Sirius said with a full mouth. "Are they all in one place?"

"Nope," Vitruvius said. "They're scattered all around the realm."

"Of course they are." Sirius swallowed and grinned. "Which one are we starting with?"

Vitruvius took his time answering, sipping on his soup. When the bowl was empty, he wiped his mouth, and finally gave Sirius his answer. "The Orb of Ti-Teleest," he said.

"Cool! What's that?"

"An orb."

"Cool, that definitely answers all my questions. Now seriously, what is it?"

"It's really just an orb," Vitruvius said. "It's danger lies in how large it is, and how heavy. If you had enough power to throw it, you could cause a lot of damage."

"Alright," Sirius said. "Where is it?"

"Middle Zealand."

"With the catapults."

"Yes."

"That doesn't sound safe."

"It's really not." Vitruvius stood up. "Which is why we're going to contain it. Where do I put my dishes?"

"Oh, just leave them on the table, the robots will take care of them." Sirius stood up, too. His food was still half-eaten. "Where exactly in Middle Zealand is this thing?"

"I left it under the protection of the previous king. He fell out of power a few months ago, and I'm not sure if the new king knows about it. Have you met the king before?"

"Nope."

"I see." Vitruvius squinted at Sirius' outfit. "You're going to need new clothes."

"What?" Sirius exclaimed. "My clothes are fine! Perfectly respectable."

"We're going to meet a king. Respectable isn't good enough." Vitruvius sighed. "I'll go first and make an appointment. I should be heading home soon, anyway."

"That's right," said Sirius. He almost sounded surprised. "You live all the way out in the Old West. Want me to, uh, drive you home? It's pretty far away…"

"No thanks. I'll walk."

"Excuse me?"

* * *

Sirius spent the entire elevator ride trying to convince Vitruvius not to walk. "It's like, a hundred miles! How are you going to make it? Come _on._ Let me drive you."

"I'd really rather not," Vitruvius said. "Besides, walking is good for you. Helps keep you young and healthy. And it's not a hundred miles."

"Yeah, well, I bet it'll feel like a hundred miles once you're done!"

Eventually, they reached the ground floor, and Sirius had to relent. "Alright," he said. "Whatever. Have fun, I guess."

"You too," said Vitruvius. "I'll be back in a few days. Get some better clothes."

Sirius snorted. "Yeah. Right. See you."

Bricksburg, where Octan Tower was located, wasn't all that far from the Old West. They bordered each other, actually – Vitruvius really didn't know why Sirius made such a fuss. As he walked, he kept an eye out for anyone he recognized, but found no one familiar. Oh well, there weren't many Master Builders in Bricksburg, anyway.

The passersby gave him strange looks. He looked at them right back.

When he got back to his house, the sun had already set. Vitruvius put the kettle on and busied himself with preparing dinner.

* * *

The previous king had been a timid man, and it wasn't a surprise that he had stepped down – peacefully, Vitruvius hoped. He had been a genuinely kind person, when Vitruvius had spoken with him.

He didn't know much about the current king. The Master Builders in the kingdom just shrugged when Vitruvius asked. "He's not one of us," one said, "but that's all I know."

Vitruvius was able to obtain an appearance before the king in two days time. Good enough. He packed himself a breakfast sandwich, plus other necessary items, and set off for Octan Tower.

"Please don't tell me you walked here," Sirius said in lieu of a greeting.

"Okay. I won't."

"You have a phone, right? I'd really ought to give you my business card. Can't believe I haven't already." Sirius grabbed one off his robot secretary's desk and handed it over. "Seriously, just call me and I can pick you up."

"Of course." Vitruvius tucked the card in a pocket, where it would undoubtedly be forgotten. "I'm here to make sure you have clothes for our meeting with the King in two days."

Sirius snorted. "Of course I have clothes!"

"Really? Let me see them."

"I'm wearing them right now!"

Vitruvius raised an eyebrow and said nothing.

After a long moment, Sirius groaned. "Fine! Fine, I have no idea what to wear to see a king in Middle Zealand. I figured, y'know, respectable clothes from my world would be fine, and he'd maybe understand it's the best I have to offer…"

Vitruvius chuckled. "Though the worlds are free to mingle, there's still many cultural differences that need to be accounted for when you travel. Don't worry, though, I brought you an outfit you can borrow."

He opened his bag and pulled out a long, ornate robe. Sirius took it gingerly, holding it out like it was radioactive. "I'm not wearing this," he said.

"You have to," Vitruvius responded.

"What are you going to be wearing?"

"I have clothes."

"Not the question I asked."

Vitruvius shrugged. "Unless you have any updates, I'll be going home now."

"Wait, hang on!" Sirius said, just as Vitruvius turned away. "You came all this way, hopefully by car – I don't want to send you home just yet. How about I show you the files on the relics I have? You never know, you might learn something new!"

He took a moment to think about it before giving his answer. "Nah," said Vitruvius, "but we should make arrangements for our next meeting. How about you meet me at my house before we go to Middle Zealand?"

Sirius sighed. "Yes. Glad to know you aren't walking all the way."

"I would if you could keep up with me."

"I _could,_ but I'm not gonna."

"Alright," Vitruvius said. "Be there early in the morning Wear the clothes."

"I know, I know." Sirius rolled his eyes. "See you, Vitruvius. Or am I still not on a first name basis? You never gave me any other name to use."

Vitruvius cracked a smile. "See you then, Sirius."

* * *

Sirius knocked on Vitruvius' door at six AM on the scheduled morning. "You didn't tell me what time to meet you," he said when Vitruvius answered, "other than 'early.' I figured this was early enough. I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"Eh." Vitruvius moved to the side to let him step in. "Not a problem. What is a problem is that you're not wearing the clothes I loaned you."

"I brought them with me. I'll change before we leave." Sirius looked around the room. "You have a… weirdly decorated place."

"Sure do." Vitruvius gestured to the couch. "Take a seat. I need to get dressed."

"Those are pajamas? They look literally the same as everything else you wear."

Vitruvius ignored him and went to get dressed.

When he returned, Sirius was not sitting. Instead, he was poking at some of the artifacts Vitruvius had on display. "Be careful," Vitruvius said, making him jump. "Some of those are fragile."

"Thought Master Builders didn't care about what they took apart," Sirius said. "Can't you just put whatever I break back together again?"

"That's actually a very interesting question, Sirius." VItruvius picked up a vase and held it out. "You see this vase? How it's made from one brick?"

"Yeah? I guess?"

Vitruvius dropped the vase and it shattered.

Sirius jumped back. "Okay!" he said. "Alright! You broke it."

"Yep." While Sirius stared, Vitruvius bent down and picked up the shards. "Now, see how there's more than one brick?"

"Yeah? So?" Sirius blinked. "Oh. Before, the vase was one brick, but now…"

"Even if I stack them up…" He placed each piece on top of each other. "It will never be the vase again. It's beyond even a Master Builder's power."

"Now hang on," said Sirius. "How was the vase made in the first place? They don't grow on trees! Someone had to mold it and junk. Bricks become other bricks all the time!"

Vitruvius nodded. "You're right – but a Master Builder uses the bricks they have."

Sirius shook his head and sighed. "I don't get it. I probably never will. Oh well – are you done getting dressed? You look exactly the same."

"I'm done. Go put on your outfit."

While Sirius got changed, Vitruvius poured the shards of the vase into the trash. "All set?" he said when Sirius walked back out. Poor man looked miserable, even though he was dressed in clothes fit for Middle Zealand royalty. "Let's go. We don't have time to waste."

Sirius brightened up. "That means we're driving, right?"

Vitruvius smiled. They weren't.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM NOT DEAD
> 
> have fun with chapter

Once they got out of the desert, the trip was easier. The road in Middle Zealand was well-trodden, and the castle was visible in the near distance. All in all, it was a pleasant walk, in Vitruvius' opinion.

Not so much for Sirius. "It wouldn't have been a problem to drive!" he complained. "Even if Middle Zealanders don't like modern tech, we could've, like, parked it somewhere, and then walked the rest of the way!"

"Pipe down, Sirius. Exercise is good for you."

"Are you my dad or something? Don't answer that, you're obviously not. But you're sure sounding like him!"

Eventually, they reached the town surrounding the castle. Sirius straightened up as they passed by the citizens, his face falling into a stern frown. He certainly looked regal in the clothes Vitruvius had given him. The people of Middle Zealand whispered to themselves as they passed – who was this man? Was he a king from another world? Surely, he was someone important!

No one gave Vitruvius much mind. His outfit wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

Sirius kept his face hard as they approached the castle gates. The guards blocked their way. "State your purpose," one said.

"We're here to see the king," Vitruvius said.

The guards looked them up and down. "Are you Vitruvius?" one of them said to Sirius.

"That would be me," Vitruvius said before Sirius could say anything. "This is Sirius – he's with me."

"Understood. Go on through."

When they were through the gate, Sirius let out the breath he was holding. "This is so stressful," he muttered. "I feel overdressed and naked at the same time. Man, I wish I could've brought my robots."

Vitruvius shook his head. "Your robots have guns."

"Exactly. We could've had protection against swords and stuff."

"We're not here to fight, Sirius."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. We're just demanding a king you've never met before hand over a dangerous relic. That's definitely going to go smoothly."

"You'll see."

"Yeah," said Sirius. "I sure will."

* * *

King Valentino was young; in his twenties, at most. He had short black hair and was dressed in gold and purple robes, staring down from his throne with a frown. Sirius and Vitruvius bowed before him before Vitruvius spoke. "Your Majesty," he began, "a long time ago, I entrusted your predecessor with a powerful relic. I would like to request that it be returned to me."

Valentino raised an eyebrow. "What do you need this relic for?"

"Preservation," Vitruvius said. "Sirius and I are collecting these relics to contain them, so they won't pose a threat to the realms."

"You are speaking of the Orb, correct?" Once Vitruvius affirmed, Valentino hummed to himself. "My predecessor spoke highly of you, Vitruvius. He always said you had the best interests in mind for the realms, and he knew he could depend on you in times of need."

"Thank you, Your Majesty."

"My predecessor had a head full of pudding." Valentino smiled. "Your request has been denied, Vitruvius. You may go."

Vitruvius blinked. "But –"

Sirius put a firm hand on his shoulder. "Understood, Your Majesty," he said. "Thank you for your time."

* * *

The only reason Vitruvius didn't fight when Sirius led him away was because making a scene in front of the king would lessen their chances of convincing him to grant their request. He stayed quiet, only shrugging off Sirius' hand when they were outside of the castle, and not saying a word until they were near the edge of the city.

"And what was the purpose of that, Sirius?" he said.

Sirius shrugged. "Mostly, not to get killed," he responded. "I didn't like the vibe I was getting. Middle Zealand can be dangerous, mostly 'cause public executions are still a thing here."

"He wasn't going to execute us," Vitruvius said. "He's a better man than that."

"You don't know that! You've never met him before!" Sirius snorted. "You're awfully trusting for someone your age. We're going to have to steal it."

"We are not," Vitruvius said sharply. "Stealing the Orb would just make it more likely for us to get executed, and would ruin any chance of convincing King Valentino to give it to us."

Sirius groaned. "I know you Master Builders are used to getting everything you want without working for it, but seriously, man, he's not gonna give it up without a fight. There was a vibe in there, and it wasn't a good one."

"I'm sure he can be made to see reason."

"If you want to keep trying your way, be my guest." Sirius took out his phone. "I, however, am going to call in my robots."

Vitruvius grabbed his arm. "No, Sirius. We're not going to steal it."

"Alright! Whatever!" Sirius wrenched his arm away. "But I'm not going back to talk to him," he said. "You can go by yourself, but I'm staying back so I can break you out of prison. The dungeon. They have dungeons here."

"The king isn't going to throw me in the dungeon," Vitruvius said.

* * *

King Valentino threw him in the dungeon.

The guards weren't gentle with him, either. Vitruvius rubbed his sore arms and paced around his cell. They hadn't chained him up, so he could Master Build his way out, but this had to be a misunderstanding. He wasn't about to make things worse for himself by trying to escape. Hopefully Sirius would stay put for a few hours.

One of the guards stopped by his cell and leaned against the wall, dressed in typical Middle Zealand armor. Vitruvius decided to talk to him.

"Excuse me?" he said.

The guard yelped and jumped up. "I thought this cell was empty!" he cried.

"You were going to guard an empty cell?"

"No! I was –" The guard shook his head. "Wait, aren't you the Master Builder?" he said.

"That's me," said Vitruvius. "You don't sound like you're from Middle Zealand."

"Haha, nope. I'm from Knighton. Thought it'd be similar enough to here that I could move here, but it's kind of weird. I think I'm like, the only guard here who knows how to read."

"Cool," Vitruvius said. "Could you tell some in charge to let me go? Maybe open the cell right now?"

"Oh, no," the guard said. "Apparently you're very dangerous, Master Builder and all. They even put you in the special cell!"

"Special?"

"Yeah!" he said cheerfully. "Master Builders can, like, use bricks to build things, but you can't do that in this one! It's special!"

"Really." Vitruvius decided to break out to prove a point.

He squinted down at the bricks that made up the floor. Hm. There was a strange, transparent film over them, making the ground uneven; Vitruvius had assumed it was due to the placement of the individual bricks. He leaned down and tried to pry one of the bricks up, but the film was solid, and the brick didn't move.

Vitruvius frowned.

"See?" said the guard. "Can't Master Build your way out of this one!"

The fixtures in the wall were similarly immobile. Vitruvius tugged at one of the unused chains and it barely moved at all, the links were so stiff. It stayed firmly attached to the wall.

"Anyway," the guard said, "I should be going. My shift ends pretty soon, and I was just gonna goof off in my last, like, five minutes. See you at the execution!"

He left.

Vitruvius started to understand what Sirius meant by a vibe.

* * *

The execution – Vitruvius was still unsure if it was his execution, because the guards were all very uncomfortable when he asked them about it – was the following morning. Vitruvius couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep in his cell, so he spent the night in boredom. He wasn't too worried; even if the cell was somehow impervious to Master Building, he could probably come up with a plan once he was taken out of the cell.

In the morning, Vitruvius greeted the guards with a smile. "Could I talk you out of the chains?" he said. "As you know, I'm getting on in age, and…"

He didn't talk them out of the chains

While he was led outside, Vitruvius kept an eye out for anything he could use to get himself out of this mess, but if he did so much as shift his weight towards a brick that looked useful, the guards yanked him back. Not that he could do much when his hands were bound. Vitruvius wondered if he had misjudged how worried he should be.

"You know," he said, "I haven't gotten a clear answer. Is this supposed to be my execution? Or am I just a spectator?"

"Oh," said the guard from Knighton. "You're being executed. Sorry, I figured you knew already, and it would've been awkward to bring up, y'know?"

"Hm." Vitruvius decided a little more worry would be appropriate.

He couldn't get a good look at any of the people they passed; were any of them Master Builders? Surely, one of them would step in before the situation escalated. Vitruvius was well-known in the Master Builder community; even Sirius had managed to track him down.

That was right – Sirius said he would stay behind to break him out of the dungeon. Didn't look like he managed it. Oh well.

They stopped walking. Vitruvius stumbled and nearly fell over. Once he regained his balanced, he craned his neck to see past the guards in front of him.

"Oh, hey!" Sirius said, standing in the middle of the road in his suit and tie. "Vitruvius! Didn't expect to see you here, except I totally did. I told you this would happen, remember?"

The guards pointed their spears at him. "Out of the way!" one barked.

"Nah," said Sirius. "Robots, come on out."

Screams rose from the crowd as a number of seemingly-normal people took off their hats and hairpieces, revealing metal kin and glowing red eyes. With a series of beeps, the robots stepped forward and drew their guns, while the rest of the crowd scattered, as well as two of the guards.

"Are you serious?!" the guard from Knighton yelped. "I came to Middle Zealand to be away from this stuff!"

The other three remaining guards wavered, their spears drifting, before the lead guard squared his shoulders and brought his spear up again. "This is your final warning –"

"Please don't kill anyone, Sirius," Vitruvius said.

"You! Stay silent!"

"Honestly, Vitruvius," Sirius said, "what do you take me for? I mean, sure, I have laser guns, but I won't kill anyone unless I really, really have to."

Vitruvius sighed. "Alright. Go ahead."

The head guard turned to glare at him. "I said –"

The robots started shooting.

* * *

"'Please don't kill anyone,'" Sirius said, mimicking Vitruvius' tone. "Honestly! I'm not about to kill people, alright? But, y'know, it helps me help _you_  if they _think_ I'm going to kill them, because then they start seriously thinking, 'Hey, maybe I want to do what this guy says,' y'know?"

Vitruvius rubbed his wrist where the chains had dug in. "You're not wearing the clothes I got you," he said.

Sirius groaned. "Really? Is that all you have to say to me? I didn't think I'd need them, since, y'know, we're not trying to suck up to the king anymore. I mean, c'mon! I had to save you from an execution! That's me! Saving you! Some gratitude would at least be –"

Vitruvius raised a hand to stop him. "Sirius," he said, careful to keep emotion out of his voice. "Give me a moment."

To his credit, Sirius did. They walked to the flying car in silence, escorted by a dozen or so robots. It was only when they were seated and moving that Vitruvius began to process the full impact of what had happened.

"You good?" Sirius asked.

The atmosphere was suffocating. Vitruvius took a deep breath. "I will be honest with you, Sirius," he said. "It is very difficult for me to accept help from others."

Sirius snorted, but said nothing.

"You may be partially correct in your assessment of Master Builders," Vitruvius continued. "I am used to receiving respect from others. I am used to independence, and being able to handle myself in all situations. The most recent situation I found myself in was… unusual, and you helped me out of it."

"This is an awfully roundabout way to say thank you," Sirius said. "You are going to say it, right?"

Vitruvius smiled. "You don't have many friends, do you?"

"Okay, wow. I'm literally married, so –"

"Thank you, Sirius," Vitruvius said. "I am very grateful for your actions today."

Sirius blinked. "Uh, you're welcome. Huh! Didn't actually know if you'd say it or not. You're welcome. Yeah. What next?"

Vitruvius looked out the window at the landscape passing beneath them. "I imagine I will continue to need your help in future situations," he said, "especially if they involve King Valentino. How were you planning on getting the Orb of Ti-Teleest?"


End file.
